By the way, to anyone who backed my album project on Kickstarter ages and ages ago, if you decide you want this track, please check my kickstarter page BEFORE you download it from bandcamp (you may have to log in, but you will want to see the latest backers-only update.)

So here’s a picture of JD sleeping. Also two new stuffies:

Left to right, Alice Cooper and Alicia Keys.

JD wants to know why he can’t eat the chicken.

So I actually started this one yesterday, which explains why I mention checking to see how long ago the last post was after just talking about how my last post was yesterday. And now you know.

Yes, its been too damned long. I didn’t take the time to see how long ago my last post was before starting this and now I’m feeling far too lazy to do it.  Go figure.

I was reading through some comments on a previous post (the one about house concerts) and I ended up deleting some of them. Truth is, my other commenters were right; I had a troll.  The more surprising truth? It was a troll that I knew personally.

I suppose I should have picked it up from the half-baked pseudonym, “Liza Dawkins”.  For one, who the fuck names their kid “Liza”  anymore? I mean really. And “Dawkins”?  As in perhaps Richard Dawkins?  Oh please. Said troll was neither so brilliant nor so beautifully British as to deserve such a surname (to note, Mr.  Dawkins and I don’t agree on everything, but I respect him. Because that’s what you do when someone knows far, far more than you do on a given subject.)

So yeah, troll.  And, as I said, a troll that I knew. Am I still angry? Nah. There isn’t much point in all that. Frankly, its good to be living rent free *somewhere*.

And that’s the end of what I wrote yesterday. I have no idea where I was going with that.

I’m not at home. I’m in Illinois near the Chicago area visiting with my boyfriend and his wife and helping her clean her craft room, which she is very happy about. We went to her stitching group yesterday, which I was very happy about. I just remembered that I have coffee, and that I’m typing on a teeny tiny touchscreen keyboard that makes it really difficult to keep a line of thought going, so I’m gonna go. But before I do, I thought you should see this:

Because it was sorta awesome. (Tis sir Seamus, the boyfriend’s cat. I miss my girls but he’s very helpful.)

For those who don’t know (because you haven’t been paying any attention at all and/or you just happened to stumble over this post on the internet because you googled “Awesomesauce” and this was the first link on the page, *obviously*), I’m polyamorous.  I say “I’m polyamorous” as opposed to saying “I’m in a polyamorous relationship” because I would be polyamorous whether I was dating or married to anyone or not.  This is how I think of it.  To me, its a bit like sexual orientation.  Its relationship orientation.  You may be hetero, I’m bi.  You may be monogamous.  I’m polyamorous.

I’ll explain that in greater detail in another post on another day.  Meanwhile, I have a mountain man.

As I write this he is plodding up the stairs of his home in his underwear with his computer bag slung casually over his shoulder.  He is going to work.  His hair is having a wild party that the rest of the world hasn’t been invited to because a) we do not speak its hair language and b) we do not listen to the same music.  We don’t know any of the bands that it digs.  Its way too indie for the rest of us.  We wouldn’t understand.

I am still learning what it means to have a mountain man. 

Apparently a mountain man works hard.  His first priority is, almost always, “get done what needs to be done.”  In truth, he isn’t so much a mountain man as a farm kid, and for a farm kid, if the work doesn’t get done the family doesn’t eat.  Its as simple as that.  Ignoring you isn’t meant as a slight and shouldn’t be taken as one.  On the contrary, he’d prefer paying attention to you over working, but he has already done the necessary calculations in his head to determine what would happen if he didn’t finish what needs to be finished right at this moment, and the end result is probably that you will suffer in some way.  He will work till he his blue in the face to avoid that.  The family must be taken care of.  You are accounted for.  The work has to be done.

This doesn’t mean that he’s a workaholic.  He takes measures, in fact, to avoid this common pitfall.  He makes certain that he has put aside time for his family.  He has, in his mind,  already,  scheduled a motorcycle ride for himself and/or some time to play music.  Its country, of course… REAL country, not “the shit they play on the radio nowadays”, and if it isn’t country its classic-rock.  This is what the mountain man thrives on.  There must be music.  It must be good.

The mountain man will notice other women.  If he’s poly, he may pursue them.  He will be responsible.  He will make certain that what he already has is protected and cared for before he allows for anything else to enter the picture, but he will at least notice.  And he will always come back for you.

A mountain man is a poet and a clown.  He loves deeply and cares immensly and is overwhelmed sometimes by the strength of his own emotions, at which point he will occasionally seem to completely obliterate the affect of whatever sweet and wonderful thing he has just said.  When you glare at him and growl, he will smile sweetly and apologetically and his eyes will twinkle in a way that says,  “You know that I love you, and I can’t really believe that you put up with me.”  In a way that means that you always forgive him.

You may not always be first on his priority list.  Or, rather, your flights of fancy or frivolous wants for attention may not always be on his priority list.  When you are truly in need, he will be there… Although he may not always realize right away that you are truly in need.  You may have to forgive him this.  Mountain men are not quite perfect.  Maybe close. 

I am finding that I rather enjoy having a mountain man,  even a shared one.  I have a geek as well, and my geek is wonderful and at some point I will go into as much detail as I have here about the wonders of geek-having.  Although perhaps without discussing underwear.  Because, let’s be real, if a geek is working at home, he’s naked.  But the reality is, I have doted on my geek before.  This morning, I simply found myself amazed at a mountain man.  Go figure. 

There have been some questions on the matter, and honestly I felt it was about time for some genuine disclosure between you and I. First off, I need to apologize for this project having taken so long. The truth is that a decent bit of that can be chalked up to my time management skills, or rather the lack thereof. I decided to start moving back into music after a several year hiatus and suddenly there were doors opening everywhere. Fact is, although I can’t entirely say that I’d change it, I walked through a few of the wrong ones. You might say that I can occasionally be crow-like; I WANTED to finish what I was doing, but I kept being distracted by shiny things. Some of these were in my personal life and some cropped up professionally. I’m mostly going to discuss the professional parts, if that’s okay.

Shortly after deciding to put together my first album project, a songwriter friend of mine who wanted to break into the filk scene a bit asked for my help with her first CD. At first I politely declined, and really I should perhaps have stuck to my guns on that. This is NOT to say that I regret having worked on said project. Actually, I found it to be inspiring and challenging in some amazing ways. I go to do a little bit of touring with friends, got a taste of what it’s like to run the convention circuit, and I’ve met some fantastic folks. I’ve made some WONDERFUL friends that probably, left to my own devices, I’d have not been bold enough to reach out to in the first place.

I also put a lot of time, effort, and creativity into a project that, quite frankly, was not the one you backed.

At the time, the other musician working on this project and I were both n00bs. Neither of us were aware, I don’t think, of how demanding the Muse could be, even when you’re “Just Playing Guitar”. There was practice, there were re-writes and re-arrangements, there were edits and re-records, and all of this excitement was on a very definite time-table. There was a deadline. She’d been trying to do this project for years, and I wanted to help make it happen for her. But that wasn’t the horse you’d put your money on, and I owe you an apology for my actions.

When I started this kickstarter, I had NO idea what I was doing. I had no real sense of what it would take, in entirety, to produce an album. Figuring that it may be a flop anyway, I set the financial bar far too low. Had it not been for a couple of job losses I may have been able to swing the rest of it own my own. As it stands, however, I did the Kickstarter, realized that it wasn’t going to be quite enough, and kept trying to be a perfectionist about scrambling to catch up. At the end of the day, it just has to be done. There’s no getting around it. It may not be mixed perfectly, it may not be mastered beautifully, but I owe you an album, and I’m going to get it to you. I plan to load songs onto Bandcamp and hand you download codes for backing.  If need be I will be happy to burn CD-R’s for anyone who wants hard copies, and do the best I can to create something that doesn’t make your eardrums bleed.

This will be the HTBASH/So Indie I Still Use Magic Marker project. I will, in the next week, be setting up a page specifically for you to keep track of my progress. I’m accountable to you and I’ve failed up to this point to honor that and be completely straight with you. My “process” is not everyone’s process. My style is its own conundrum. I’m letting you in on it in the hopes that getting a sneak peak behind the scenes of how this artist does the process will draw back the curtains a little bit and show you something of how it can be done.  At the end of it, you’ll have, at the very least, a digital download of this beast.

Now, here’s the thing. Beyond that, nothing is written in stone. However, depending upon how well that project does and what I can promise with the followup, it may end up with a professionally mixed and mastered re-release. Cross your fingers, because I’m going to give it a shot and I’ll need some real luck on my side. But, if I can finagle it, that release will be available by the end of the year (maybe even by the end of summer) and all of the promised rewards from THIS project will apply to that one as well. Again, no promises, but I will keep you posted.

So, that’s it. you get a lovingly created indie rough-ridden acoustic cut regardless, and possibly something more fantastic later on.  And I promise, from here on out, to keep you better informed of the journey.  If any of the backers have questions about that, please email me.  I love getting the chance to connect with you and I am thrilled to have you all on this adventure with me.  All for the low low price of forgiving the artist for being a flake. Does that sound fair to you?  Please let me know.

Contritely yours,
Crystal Wolf

PS – All of the extra rewards I spoke of will also still be available, regardless of whether I am able to professionally produce this project or not.  Don’t worry, you will have your hat.

Comment on this post on Kickstarter

Sadly this version doesn’t have Katie on it.  Somewhere there’s a recording from back in the day of Katie and I singing, but I’m not sure where it’s gotten off to.  And I hope K doesn’t mind me posting this.  The song was just on my mind this evening.

Asking Why
by Crystal Wolf and Kathryn Jenkins

Verse 1:
Why do I ask of You so many questions?
like a child with such innocent eyes, constantly wondering why?
Is it Your will for me to follow this wheel, as it’s spinning me out of my control,
and under Your control?

Chorus:
Is that why I am constantly wondering why?
I can’t find, no matter how hard I try,
the answers to these questions You give.
So I guess You’ll show me how to live…
Asking why.

Verse 2:
Why am I running around in circles
like a child with such innocent eyes, constantly wondering why?
If it’s Your will then I’ll follow it still as it’s spinning me out of my control,
and under Your control.

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Asking why, why, why, why? Why, why, why?
Asking why, why, why, why… Why, why, why?

If you could possibly share this across the social networks, that would be fantastic.

Also, YOU SHOULD COME OUT AND HANG WITH US!! Penguicon is a GREAT convention, whether you’re into programming, Linux, Open Source, or just Science Fiction in general. They’ve got a Fantastic music track, too! You’ll love it… best way to spend an April weekend. And YOU, have not HAD cola, until you have had OPEN COLA. And Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream is the best thing ever. Come and play with me!!! =D  IIIIIII give great BACKRUBS!

Much love,
Crystal Wolf

Edit: You know what else is cool?  LINKS.  http://www.penguicon.org/

Paint Me A River, from The 3am Practice Files

Me: True.  That is nice.  But then you’d have to wait on someone to clean your toilet for you.

Her: Ehhh, good point.  Still.

Me: And cats don’t read.  I’d miss reading.

Her: Yeah, me too.

Me: Also no opposable thumbs.  …And… no orgasms.

Her: Oh god.

Me: Yeah.

Her: Okay I think I’d miss that.

Me: Being a cat sucks.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

A rough recording of Carnivale of the Damned. A better single will be released later this month at http://crystalwolf.bandcamp.com and then after I’ve finished “How to Be A Superhero” I will be working on CD number 2, “The Carnivale”. Stay tuned!

Lyrics:

Pack up the carts, we’ll be moving on soon I can
see it in the cards. Pack it in get ready to
wonder just where you are, wandering without a thought as to,
how the world feels about you.
Welcome to the freak show…

Chorus -
And the main event is coming soon, I’m sure you’re watching for it,
In the mirrors of the fun house of your mind.
You paid to see this side-show and you wonder if you’re ever going to find
your peace of mind,
in this labyrinth of sacred things of
some unholy nature.
Welcome to the circus! Stay with me,
and I assure you that you’ll be just fine.

Gather the snakes, they’re all in the snake pit singing
ballads to the clowns, anything to make them smile.
They all feel so alone,
no one’s laughing with them. Don’t you think with so much joy
Someone would say hello?
But everybody just keeps walking by,
and now it’s time,
to say goodnight…

(Repeat Chorus)

La la la la la la la la la la la,
la la la la la la la la la la.
La da da da da,
La da da da da,
La la la la la la la la la da da da da…

Charcoal, body-paint, and alabaster,
we all owe our soul to our ringmaster.
Jump through the fire-hoop, up on the tight-rope,
round and round in circles ’cause we’re all born with no hope…

And you can wonder how you’re ever going to find,
your peace of mind,
in this frightening circus.
But I tell you friend that you’ll be fine,
just bear in mind,
that at least you’re not us…

(Chorus)