—Edited to add a comment from Aaron Neerenberg.—
As I write this I’m just getting over being a little bit shaky. That happens sometimes when I wake up late in the mornings. It also happens when I have bad dreams. This morning before waking I dreamt that I was at my boyfriend’s house spending the night and he and his wife* had decided to take me to their doctor the next day to help figure out what the hell is wrong with my mind. They had had me sleeping in a tent outside and my boyfriend was treating me like a small child, tracking my moves and being very weirdly controlling. Also, I think he might have been a vampire. And I could fly.
The next day my boyfriend was working so his wife took me to the hospital which was, apparently, where their doctor’s office was (this was somehow normal in my dreamiverse, while outside of it I don’t think that happens very often.) When we arrived, I found out that he was actually working at the hospital because he was a help-desk dude or something for the facility. We waited in this huge cafeteria for ages where there were children screaming and running around and yelling at the tops of their little kid lungs. My boyfriend and Bestie’s kid, however, was actually being very polite and just hanging out playing video games. While it was apparently a hospital cafeteria, it was actually set up much more like a high school cafeteria, and there was a buffet. Unfortunately we hadn’t paid for the buffet so, although I was very hungry and it was around lunchtime, I wasn’t allowed to eat anything. Boyfriend kept popping up and hanging around and then completely disappearing, and eventually Bestie kept disappearing too, and I was left alone in a bustling cafeteria-like place with screaming children.
At some point I realized that there was a lake in the hospital near the cafeteria which housed a variety of salt-water animals. I went swimming at one point, and some strange eel thing bit my boob. It freaked me out. Shortly thereafter a small shark began chasing me around the pool because I was bleeding and it could smell the blood, so I got out of the water. He followed me out and turned into a cute little shaggy grey wolf puppy that Bestie, who appeared out of nowhere, proceeded to snuggle and subsequently wander off with.
Eventually, after being in the cafeteria about three hours, Bestie found me again and pulled me toward a waiting room. Their doctor and Boyfriend met us at the door of the waiting room with a wheelchair. When Boyfriend made some smart-assed remark, I started to chase him down and the doctor decided that he was going to sedate me. The three of them pushed me into the waiting room and closed the door while they talked outside. After several minutes, I got bored in the waiting room and went outside to see what was going on, only to realize that they’d all disappeared again.
Eventually, I managed to hunt down Bestie and she told me that we were leaving because their doctor had a wedding to go to and couldn’t see me that day. As we got in the car I began having an anxiety attack, which culminated in me yelling at Bestie because no one would tell me what the hell was going on and I was going to have to come back to the emergency room after having such a completely hellish day. She looked hurt and made a comment about how they were doing so much for me, the least I could do was be grateful. I immediately retracted my yelling and told her that I was sorry, she was right, and I don’t know why I lost control like that but I just couldn’t understand what was going on and I felt like no one was explaining anything to me.
When I woke up, I felt terribly guilty about yelling at Bestie, even though she was dream Bestie and not real Bestie and real Bestie would totally never act like that anyway, and Dream Bestie seemed to kind of have it coming, I guess? But I still felt really bad for yelling. The fact that I’d had little-to-no self control in the dream was incredibly frightening.
Still shaky, I went into the bathroom to notice that the inside of my bellybutton looked raw and there was brown around the outside of it and a little bit of blood on the inside. I immediately decided that my belly button must actually open up into my intestines somehow and they were leaking out of it and some intestinal liquid had bubbled up from it like a backed-up drain while I was sleeping and had dried, leaving this strange residue around my tummy.
Eventually I realized that I had been wearing my brown, woven belt a little too tightly the day before and it had been muggy out and I’d been a tad sweaty, so the belt had shed a bit on my stomach. Thus the following conversation ensued upon the Book of Faces:
Crys’s original post: Be nice to your bellybutton. Otherwise one day you might wake up and the insides are rubbed raw and bleeding because your brown fabric belt was too right and it shed around it because it was really hot outside and you were sweating but before you realize that’s what happened all you’ll see is blood and brown and you’ll think your insides are exploding out your naval. Or maybe that’s just me. I really need to start setting an alarm in the mornings so I take my anti-anxiety meds on time.
Allyson Clarkson: I have a very deep belly button, and I have to take very good care of it, or it gets all complainy.
Crystal Wolf: Same here.
Allyson Clarkson: Q-Tips are my friend.
Crystal Wolf: I’m always afraid to do anything like that. I heard this thing one time on the radio where this woman called in and she was saying that sometimes her belly-button smelled weird and this doctor-esque dude said that sometimes bellybuttons don’t close all the way and can sorta open up a little tiny bit into your insides and so you have to be careful poking around in there because stuff leaks or something. I’m sure I’m remembering it wrong but it sorta freaked me out and I’m kind of neurotic about my belly button.
Anjala Dick: *hugs* I agree. My belly button is all weird now because of all the surgeries I’ve had via laparoscopy. I will never have a normal belly button again.
Crystal Wolf: Upon doing a bit of research, I think the idea that my belly button opens up into my insides is probably kinda crazy. @Anjala Dick: Be proud of your weird belly button. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a normal belly button anyway. Belly buttons are just weird as hell.
Michael Nixon: At least it’s not an outie. Those would be hard to protect. Have to keep it padded and stuff. Plus you can store M&Ms in a deep innie bellybutton. Don’t ask how I know that.
Crystal Wolf: ew, lol.
Michael Nixon: Hey, we were all young and stupid at one point in time. Or for some of us, many, many points in time…
Aaron Neerenberg: I don’t know. You could always have a small pouch made behind your belly button, like in Heinlein’s Friday.
Allyson Clarkson: I want my bellybutton to have a round hobbit-door.
Michael Nixon: I’d settle for a lint trap.
Allyson Clarkson: (OMG I seriously need a bellybutton door now!)
Crystal Wolf: Wow. And I thought this discussion started out weird.
Michael Nixon: Never underestimate our power to “weird” things up. How about a sliding glass bellybutton door with a little teeny deck out front?
Allyson Clarkson: I looked up “belly button door” on Google, and mostly got results for bellybutton piercing jewelry called “door-knockers”. There was only one top result that talked about an actual bellybutton door, and it was on a site dedicated to the ramblings of people who are high. The guy wanted a door on his bellybutton in order to store weed.
Michael Nixon: Well, that’s totally better than where you *usually* hide drugs …
I can’t make this shit up. My friends are awesome.
In other news, while I recognize that today is a very important day historically, I will not be blogging about it right at the moment. I have a variety of reasons for this, mostly involving the fact that I do not feel that I could adequately discuss it’s significance without saying a million things I’ve said before in other blogs in other places. I encourage you to take a moment to consider the significance of this day for yourself and thoughtfully deal with it in whatever manner you feel is best. My heart still goes out to those people who have lost friends, family members, and lovers in disasters both man-made and natural, and I urge us all to exercise compassion, caring, and kindness today to those around us, regardless of their race, creed, or lifestyle.
*We’re polyamorous. Google that shit. But basically I have a partner/practically-husband that I live with and a boyfriend who lives out of town and he’s married and his wife knows I’m his girlfriend and she and I are best friends because that’s my weird life and I love it. Thank you.